Friday, August 31, 2012

Remembering the dance class - RIPVINS

I had just been to a wedding in Mumbai, as a 17 yr old best man. Ii was all excited but all my excitement came crashing down when the time to dance came. To say that I had 2 left feet is an understatement. I somehow managed to get through the ordeal laboriously & promised myself that the 1st thing I would do when I reach Mangalore was find a dance class & join.

The moment I reached I decided to find a place immediately, someone told me to go this dance class in Balmatta, in a small school. So I went over there at around 5:15 & stood outside the school building, I could hear the music blaring from inside. I had been around that school plenty of times coz there was a cricket ground in front of it but I had never noticed it.  “What a small & funny place to have a dance class” I thought to myself! Then another thought came to my mind, this being a very small place,it wouldn’t be famous & so the people inside will be very less. That gave me a lot of confidence. I went over to the entrance of the classroom, all the while looking at the cricket match going on at the ground to cool myself down. But when I got to the door, I was shocked! I saw about 30 students, all dancing totally carefree & dancing so well! I realised that I couldn’t dance at all, all the while forgetting that this was a dance CLASS & people come here to learn just like me! Each one seemed better than the other. And those sitting down looked at me. My hands went cold &I did the best thing I could think of at that moment, I ran from there & vowed never to come back!

Almost exactly a year later, I was back at the same doorstep. I had somehow gathered the courage to come back. Plus a year was enough to remove the memories of what I had seen. I was worried if the people would recognise the fool who had come a year earlier & ran away from the door itself. This time I had decided that I would atleast enter the dance class before running away. I looked through the door. I realised this time(which I had not noticed a year earlier) that there was a particular arrangement. Chairs were arranged in a big circle around which everyone danced to the music playing at the head of the circle. There was one man who was dancing alone with a girl at the corner of the room. I thought he was dancing separately because he wasn’t very good at it & felt embarrassed to dance in front of everyone in the circle. The circle must be only for the best students I thought. I wondered whom to ask about what to do. Then I saw this guy who was my senior in school, I didn’t know his name,he was dancing in full steam trying to take a girl till the floor & lift her up. I waited at the door till the song ended. He saw me & said ”Hey your from Milagres school right?” I mumbled a yes. He said “Come in come in my name is nelson.” I thanked him thinking he was the instructor. I told him that I wanted to join the classes. He said “Yeah you come, ill tell you & went on to explain to me everything in detail”. Finally he pointed me to the man in the corner & said “He’s the teacher, you can talk to him about the rest.” OMG I thought to myself, the man in the corner was the teacher!!!

I went over to him & that was the day I met Mr Ripson, who went on to change my interest, outlook to dance & obviously the way I danced. He explained to me in his trademark style. He took out the paper with the names of all the dance forms written & explained. “You can learn Quick steps, cha cha,slow  waltz, jive, fast waltz  for Rs 1200.” He said.” Ok ill learn quick steps” I replied & gave him the Rs 1200. He said “No No 1200 for all 5, You learn all 5, individually it would be more expensive.” That was exactly 10 yrs back!

I paid him the amount & asked “So I can join from tomorrow?” he said no, classes start from now only! He took me to the corner, asked the girl to sit in the circle & held both my hands & began his now famous “slow slow quick quick” he did that for 10 mins & those 10 minutes seemed like the longest of my life because as easy as it may sound, I somehow just couldn’t do it right how much ever I tried! Plus I could feel everyone watching me making a fool of myself or probably it was just my imagination. After 10 minutes he said, you can sit for sometime & watch others dance. I went & sat in the corner & watched totally amazed as everyone danced so beautifully. Let me try & remember some of the names of those times. Manoj, Anil, Anisha, Deepthi are a few names that come to mind(this was 10 yrs back mind you) I watched them doing one dance form after another though I didn’t know which was which. Suddenly I got a tap on my shoulder,I looked around & sir pointed at a lady & said “dance with her”…. Are you crazy!!! How could I possibly dance with a girl! That too after I learnt my 1st step 5 minutes back. I said “no no” he said “you dance no problem”. I went over to the lady & tried to do what was thought to me, I forgot what he told me. Was it “slow quick slow quick” or was it “quick slow quick slow.” I started doing “quick quick slow slow.” The lady smiled at me politely & said “No its like this” & taught me how it was done. I was very happy, she thought me well. I made a mental note that I would dance only with her. Days went by & sir taught me more steps & everytime he asked me to dance with the same lady! I kept wondering why! Maybe he was having an affair with her. It was only a week later that I came to know it was his wife, Nisha who to me will always be “ma’am”…who went on to become my favourite dancing partner.

If you used to go to dance class or still go, one thing you’ll know is that inspite of dancing with everyone you will always have your “group” It was the same 10 yrs back. There were one or two groups of experienced dancers & so 3 beginners Vidya ,Naveen & me formed our own group. We discussed dance, all the steps, how it should be done. Infact naveen & me tried many steps together too. I still remember sitting as far as possible from where sir sould see me so that he could not come & ask me to dance with someone. The fun part was since it was a school, at the end of the class the desks & benches of the class had to be arranged back neatly & all the students of Dc would get together & do it within minutes. Something which im sure we used to do even in our schools!

Years went by, I became a regular at dance class. Its my observation that somehow the kids in the age group  17 to 23 make it to come to DC regularly because at that age they feel that’s the most important thing in their lives. Also it’s a good pastime after a hard day in college plus you get to meet new people. I took a break for a year from DC after 3 continuous years of attending. After a couple of years I was surprised  when Ripson sir msgd me & said “dance class is shifting” I never thought that I would miss that old school which I thought was dingy when I just joined.So after a break of about a year I rejoined DC at the new place in YMCA. Honestly I hated it at 1st. I didn’t like the fact that the beautiful circle of the old school had been converted into a long stretch at the new place. But this was the place Ill cherish forever coz here was where I made some great friends. We had our own group here & this was bigger than my 1st one. Levin& Anil whom I knew from school, Kevin(a.k.a gunda) a family friend & 2 guys whom I met just coz of DC , Sudeep & Rohit. All 6 of us used to come to dance class together, sit together. We used to msg each other in the mornings & ask what the plan would be for the evening & invariably it would be the same “lets go to DC”. I must say that we all loved showing off our moves in DC. This friendship is one which goes strong even today even though we are separated by work & place. To think that the boys who became friends just out of PU in DC&  now one is a CA, one is an engineer working here, one engineer in Australia, one engineer in the US, One dental professor in Saudi & one almost on the brink of becoming a surgeon. We wouldn’t have even been friends if not for DC. We used to plan dance parties & the discussion & planning used to happen in DC. When one of us gets up to dance, the other would observe him & tell him his mistakes. At the end of class at 7 we would help Ripson sir close all the windows, shut the music system & keep it in & lock the door.

I remember the names we used to keep for few of the dancers, all in good humor. There was a DIP RAPER for the rough dips he used to do, the ARMY MAN for his stiff dancing moves, the TA TA uncle, the THARKARI for where his eyes used to go while dancing with a girl, DOGGIE uncle, BAATHUKOLI for a particular gal for well… no need for the reason,the  CONSTIPATOR Though I don’t remember why, the CROSS DRESSER, BOOTHNI, BOUNCER. We used to actually secretly call them only by these names, I know its real cruel but fun at that time. Also we used to wait for that one guy to put a girl down while doing the dips & laugh while pretending to care, again cruel I know. Levin even started the 1st ever community of Ripvins on orkut back then & had some 350 members & I was the proud moderator. We used to actually sit & play games on that community! Back in those days it was big! DC was the place where we used to meet to dance & plan out everything after dance while drinking bonda juice in RBs. Every year we used eagerly wait for the Ripvins Anniversary Party. Oh the planning for that was unbelievable. We would start deciding weeks earlier what we would be wearing, who we would  be dancing with & who we wouldn’t dance with. Some of the best dancers of that time where Marsha, Luvlyn, Harold, Anup, Krithika(Priyanka's mom). But we dance so much with Nisha Ma’am. She has suffered through 100’s of beginners stepping on her toes & doing weird dance steps but she’s always been so nice to them. I remember Ripson sir teaching patiently EVERY student however pathetic they were.  And who can forget the "silent dance" that sir used to make us do when the power went off! And the bumping into each other when the class was over crowded. The months of April, May & october used to be so packed that more than half the people had to stand throughout the dance class for 2 hourss! After the bonda juice the six of us usually went out to play Uno at are usual hangout “Aunty’s place”

And of course, for me personally it’s the place where I saw for the1st time,the girl who went onto become my wife. Yeah love happened much later but I saw her for the 1st time at Ripvins & that’s how our friendship started!

This blog came about when I saw the Ripvins community on facebook & how active & enthusiastic all these 18 to 22 yr olds are active on it. Brought back memories our times though its just been about 5 years back that we were like them. Ripson has changed the face of dance in Mangalore & Ripvins has given all of us great memories to talk about……

Sunday, August 26, 2012

The Immortals Of Meluha - A Review

I know Im late in reviewing this book but that’s just coz I never thought that I would read it.I was actually asked to read this book by one of my friends about 2 months back but somehow I never felt inclined to. I asked him as to what the book was all about. He told me it was about the life of Lord Shiva. I must say that the title seemed appealing but looking at the cover page I just feared that it was going be the long, complicated & slow read.But somehow I picked the book a week ago & I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed the book! This book is a refreshing change! Set in 1900 BC one would expect a story line to dramatic, serious & well…move at a snails pace, which was why I took so long to start reading it but its anything but that!

The story is set in the what we know as the Indus valley civilization but what the author calls as Meluha & hence the title. The essence of the story is the strenuous relationship that existed between the Suryavanshis & the Chandravanshis in 1900 BC. One group considers the other as evil & tries to overcome them  somehow. And that’s where “Shiva” , a humble Tibetan leader of a group of people called the Guna’s comes in. The story is based on Shivas’s life, how his life changed from being a tribal leader to be known as LORD Shiva, the Neelkanth & its various consequences on him as well as the 2 groups. Without giving the story away the other characters of note in the story are, Sati, Daksha the Suryavanshi emperor,Parvatheshvar, Nandi, Veerbhadhra, & Brahaspathi. A lot of detail has gone into explaining the civilisation, the practises, the customs. Somewhere during your reading you might actually wonder that the people back in 1900 BC were as advanced in habits as we are. Though its farfetched it does make an interesting read. The emotions of Shiva, his frailties, his strengths, his naivety, his love story  have been dealt with an ease that makes the book so simple to read.

The story is beautifully written with a lot of humour to an otherwise serious book. The details are not so realistic which infact is to see that the reader is not bored or tired. Here there is an issue which Im sure will irk a lot of readers. In order to connect with the modern readers the author has used language which at best of times may not be worthy of a "Lord". To see Shiva using words like "Oh bloody shit", "what the...", "Give me the bloody marijuana" are somewhat disturbing. If the author wanted to make him human, well he's succeeded!   The author has beautifully explained the various terms used in hindi & Sanskrit fantastically, not just during the story but also provided a glossary at the end! I must say I would’ve loved it if the author was my social science teacher back in school because the Sapth Sindhus, & various other things would’ve been much more fun to study! Its not a fast paced book by any stretch of imagination & infact has a languid feel to it, but a definite page turner. Cant wait to start the 2nd book of the Trilogy “The Secret Of The Nagas”

Monday, August 20, 2012

A Day To Remember Or Maybe Forget!!!

Reliving an old post! My 1st post ever 5 yrs back! :-) A real life incident :-D

It was a few weeks ago when I was still busy with exams & all of a sudden I got a call from my buddy Levin & he was like "dude come over to my place for lunch tomorrow". I was excited "Whats the occasion" I asked. "Nothin special, Im cooking" was his answer. For a second I didnt know what to say. "U there??" he asked. I said "yeah yeah, U cooking????". "Yes & be sure that u make it & I've called some other friends over too". Relieved that there'll be others to share the grief "Yeah sure" I said trying to sound excited & at the same time making a mental note to have a heavy breakfast the next morning.

I had to go to college so when I reached his place it was just a little late, but with plenty of time for lunch though. When i made it there finally I saw that the others were already there.

CHARACTERS- Binoy, Pearl, Karen, Relin & ofcourse Levin
THE SETTING - Levin's  Dining Room

Of these people Binoy was an old friend from school, Karen was a friend from college & I was meeting Pearl & Relin for the 1st time.When I entered all these guys were sitting around the table & Levin was pain stakingly explaining a board game to them which they were about to play. I opted out of it(which i was really thankful for later!!). Looking at everyone's faces I knew immediately that nobody could understand what the game was but everyone pretended with some even asking the occasional question. Nobody wants to look dumb you know.I made a prediction that Levin would win the game coz I was sure that no one else understood what the game was all about. Anyways they began playing & it went on for about an hour. Binoy had that determined look throughout. He wanted to win desperately even though he had no clue as to what was going on.Karen kept circulating some card to everyone throughout the game.Relin pretended to be enjoying & Pearl...Well she was'nt even pretending.She kept fiddling about with everything & yawning. Finally the game to an end and VOILA!! the winner was........NOBODY....Huh?? Yeah you heard it right. Nobody won. The fact that even Levin couldnt manage to win even though he was playing against 4 people who had no clue as to what they were doing says something, doesnt it?? Then everyone blamed poor Relin saying that there was no winner coz she cheated during the game. Give me a break!!! How can u cheat in a game that you dont even know how to play in the first place?? . Well...she agreed that she cheated( which makes it all even more weird).

CHARACTERS- Well pretty much the same
THE SETTING - The Kitchen

Levin went into the kitchen to have a look at the "food".We all began packing the game up. Suddenly Binoy realised what the game was actually about & began screaming "Now I understood the game"...huh?? I know its getting all too weird. So then we went into the kitchen


We were done with the game. Levin went into the kitchen. We all looked at each other. We knew that the time had come. Our worst fears were about to come true.The moment of truth. We were scared, we were confused,we were helpless. We were surely too young to....well not die but have a stomach ache or something( Do people die of stomach ache???).We looked at the main door. I knew that everyone had just one question in mind,"could i make a run for it?". But we all knew that it was just not possible. Levin would get to us even before we would get halfway through the hall. Hungry, scared, dejected we made our way to the kitchen in a single file like Prisoners of War. There Levin was standing saying"everything looks good". Everyone was standing far away waiting for the other to make the 1st move. Seeing that nobody else was coming forward I grabbed my plate & went first. I smiled to comfort the others( coz I remembered the movie Bhagath Singh).I went to the rice first. I grabbed the spoon to take the rice. I tapped the spoon with rice onto my plate.Nothing happened.'Tap' again nothing happened.Then I scraped the spoon with another. 'Splat 'the rice fell on the plate. Now that was done I looked at the rest.Other items on the menu were palak paneer, curds & vegetables.I put everything in my plate , mustered up all the courage & put the first morsel in my mouth.......

Now after such a build up to the story im sure you must be expecting me to say that it was either very bad or very good. But here's where a bit of anti-climax comes in. It was neither good nor bad.It was STRANGE. Strange because everything tasted absolutely the same, not similar.SAME!!. I mean u eat rice & then palak & then the vegetable & have a sip of water. SAME. Infact if we would run out of palak , it didnt matter coz you could make do with the rice.Everyting tasted the same afterall!!! Infact for the 1st time ever I realised that water had some taste. Everyone else started having their lunch silently. Levin still kept sayin "everything looks good". Somebody(either Relin or Pearl) said there was a jar of pickle in the cabinet. Everyone ran to get some.I've never seen so much demand for pickle ever. Now atleast we have something that tasted diffferent. Well anyways somehow we managed to finish whatever was in our plates. I dont know what had gotten into Levin. He still kept saying" everything was good, nothing got wasted"....DUH!!!!

Well whatever it is , it was an experience(I didnt say good or bad). I also know that Levin wont stop trying. He'll definitely call us all over to his place once again & TRY n cook again. Ill definitely go. Till then Im gonna enjoy & appreciate every meal that I have everyday.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Marriage - Is all God's work???

God sat at his table in heaven.  It was packed with papers & details on what work was done & what had to be done. It was all divided streetwise,statewise & countrywise so you can imagine the amount of detail in it. Every prayer around the world had to be entered into his database. It was late & had been a long tiring day for him (coz no matter how much he tried he couldn’t make India win more medals at the Olympics) but he was still up coz he was worried. Anjali was all of 25 & her parents wanted her to get married. They wanted a suitable guy & they kept saying that “God will find the right guy for her”.And they did everything possible to get his attention too. Pooja’s, offerings, prayers & what not.  Little did they know that God has so many other issues to tackle! For one the Congress-BJP ever going on conflict. But God being God has to deliver no matter what the situation is. So he decided that now was the time to pay more attention to this issue. He saw the ad Anjali’s parents put on findtherighthusbandfor Age- 25, Height 5 feet 4 inches, fair, devout, can cook 3 different cuisines, helps the poor & looking for a well to do handsome groom preferably settled abroad except for Japan due to high likelihood of earthquakes.

So God checked his own database. There were so many parents of grooms who had written a prayer to him. Ajay, Vijay, Karan, Arjun, Bunty, Bunta were all there. He searched & searched.” This fellow is younger to her, this fellow less  educated, this fellow is a vegetarian”  he kept telling himself as he went from one profile to another. There he was! The perfect guy for Anjali. 30 year software Engineer Shoaib. He was smart, standing at 6 feet tall & working at a reputed software company in the US. Everything that Anjali’s parents were looking for. Finally he could rest now! It had been a long day after all. He didn’t click the ENTER button, he thought he would do it tomorrow after a 2nd look .God slept with a pleased look on his face.

Suddenly He awoke from his deep sleep with a disturbing thought. Anjali & Shoaib! That would never do. God remembered that humans had divided themselves into groups & though it was ok to talk, mingle with the other group, marriage between the two was a definite no no. So he could not bring this proposal to Anjali’s parents. He had to find an alternative but needed time for it.

Days passed. God was busy with other projects like Indo Pak war, floods in Indonesia & many other prayers for the Indian Idol show. But he hadn’t forgotten Anjali’s parents. He switched on his giant monitor to see whats going on below in Anjali’s part of the world. To his utter amazement he saw Anjali  & Shoiab on a park bench! Now that cant be possible coz he was very sure that they didn’t know each other. He checked his computer to see if he had accidently clicked the ENTER button that other night, he hadn’t! He realised that they must’ve met recently by what humans call “co-incidence” . Love had managed to bypass him. So he decided to wait & watch. Time went  by & Anajli’s & Shoaib’s bond grew stronger.  God thought to himself that they did look good together. The day finally came when they decided that they would tell their parents. God watched anxiously when Anjali told her parents that she wanted to marry Shoaib. They were furious. They argued & they fought. They said they would never accept the match & that she had ruined their family name. God winced in pain. The same thing happened at Shoaib’s place. But the couple were firm, they kept pushing on till their parents finally relented.

3 months later they got married. A year later they had their 1st kid. Life was good. God smiled. They were what one would call an ideal couple.  They were in love with each other. So this is what Love Marriage is? No God said “ This is what every marriage should be”.  In an arranged marriage parents go through whole lot of detail into the groom/bride’s family, behaviour. That’s obvious coz your giving your child to a stranger, love marriages tend to bypass that coz the 2 individuals are in “love” & hence they know each other well(atleast they think they do). In arranged marriage you fall in love after marriage whereas in Love marriage its obvious. In arranged marriage, post marriage you come to know whether what your parents were told about your partner was right or wrong, In love marriage, post marriage you come to know whether your partner is same both before & after marriage. Either way you have to adjust with your partner coz EGO is the biggest evil ruining marriages. When something goes wrong its always easy to blame the other but how many of us look at ourselves?


So Marriages- whether love or arranged are made in heaven or are they? One would never know. But both require the 2 individuals to make it work.

God smiled. He knows whether it was fate or on purpose that Anjali & Shoaib met but he wont tell………..

This blog is not meant to hurt anyone or any sentiments. If done unintentionally the author apologises for the same

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


I land in Bangalore at exactly 6:30 AM. Now when I mean “land” I mean the Volvo smoothly came to a halt at Koramangala (or so I was told as I have no idea about anything in Bengaluru). The moment I got down from the bus 5 auto drivers swooped in on me each one vying for my luggage. I was indeed thrilled by the hospitality. I was like “Damn these guys are so helpful!” Finally one among the 5 won the battle & guided me to his chariot. “Forum Mall” I said. “No problem banni banni(come come)” He said. I sat in the auto & he started off & I realised that the meter wasn’t down. “Meter meter” I said.  He turned rudely all of a sudden & said “What meter at 6:30 AM”. Ok so I asked him how much it would cost me. He said 80 bucks. Now I remember my wife(she knows Bengaluru much better than me ) telling me back home that the bus stop would be very close, probably about 10 mins from the mall so I am pretty sure that it wouldn’t cost 80 bucks. I argued with him & he argued back. He told me I could leave the auto very well knowing that I would be helpless with 2 bags, not knowing the place &  no other auto driver willing to help me as they too would be one of his lakeys.

Now how many of you would have had similar experiences. Im sure anyone who’s travelled outside his home town in a new place would have to encounter such experiences. My friend who stays in Bangalore itself has to face this on a daily basis so what am I? And how helpless do you feel? Imagine we are Indians & we ourselves struggle. Then what about foreigners who visit our country. These guys rip them apart. And no wonder people have so few good things to talk about us. Has this issue ever been raised in a major way?

One of my friends who visited Delhi recently told me of a similar incident where their hotel was 200 meters away but they didn’t know it. They asked one of the auto guys & he said 50 bucks. Imagine the horror on my friends face when the auto stops 1 minute later in front of their hotel. When he stared at the driver , he just shrugged his shoulders. He began to argue with the driver, 5 to 6 other drivers came & surrounded him. Now what can he do in a strange new land? He paid up & walked away.

And they manage to get away with all this. Everyone is talking of corruption. We talk about ministers, businessmen , govt officials being corrupt. Aamir Khan even went on to the extent of calling us doctors corrupt. But why doesn’t anyone say anything about this “stealing in broad daylight” & that too EVERYDAY!!! Why wont anyone take any actions. The problem is that the locals are too busy to get involved in this as they just want to finish off their daily routine as soon as possible & outsiders are just too helpless to do anything. There are no helplines to call, police will shoo away such complaints & the so called “prepaid auto stands” are a farce coz there have been instances when the auto driver demands more money on the way to the destination saying “road is not good, traffic is diverted, people in the prepaid auto stands don’t know this”

In one week I have had 2 such experiences. The 2nd time I clicked the drivers & his auto pic. I don’t really know why I did that, I was just plain angry. He ran away when he realised what I was doing & hence the blurred picture. I just wish I could put up this picture somewhere it would help this matter. Maybe a facebook page where everyone can contribute in a similar manner. But all this is of no use till some action is taken against these guys.

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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Love Marriage Or Arranged Marriage

TO LOVE OR NOT!!!! This has always been the dilemma. They say that those who are in a relationship want to get out of it & those who aren’t, desperately want to know what it feels like to be in love!!! A lot has been said about Love Vs Arranged marriage. I recently read a message which said “In love marriage you marry your own girl friend & in arranged you marry someone else’s girlfriend” Unfortunately this is true for many! Ofcourse there’s also the “A known devil is better than an unknown God” & “In an arranged marriage you sleep with a stranger after being told for years before that to stay away from strangers”

Well all this is ofcourse said in good humor.But marriage is a serious issue. The rate at which marriages are breaking these days is alarming & its said that its more common with love marriages! The unfortunate thing is that the very qualities that impress couples when they are in”love” irriates them when they are married. And then comes the “you have changed, you were not like this before marriage” etc etc. But that doesn’t mean arranged marriages are all hunky dory. Many couples cite adjustment issues as the reason for divorce coz they cant adjust to their partners post marriage.

This is a question I guess that many people must be asking.And you know what? I have no idea as to what the answer is Being from the medical field I’ve seen that relationships here are supposed to be a 5 yr deal.You join the college, find a partner, go around till the end of the course & then get married to someone else .The only problem is that one of the partners wouldnt be knowing about the deal & so ends up being BETRAYED.I can see some of my friends cringing but well its the truth.This is the age where you see so many people getting into relationships just for the EXPERIENCE.After one yearr experience its time to look at greener pastures But dont get me wrong coz among all these people there’ll be that one sweet loving romantic couple, THE COUPLE!!!! The couple who’ll just make you say “Oh I wish I could have what they have” and Im not talking about the ice cream that they are feeding each other.Then what makes this couple different from the others. ACCORDING TO ME-
1)LOVE :They are obviously in love with each other…..inspite of each other.That’s the big difference.No two people can be the same. There are those who say “They are made for each other coz they are exactly alike” WHAT RUBBISH!!! How can two people be exactly alike & even if they are then whats the point of being with them coz its like looking at yourself in the mirror, always talking like you, always doing what you want,always knowing what to expect coz well….he/she is EXACTLY LIKE YOU! Where will be the surprise element, the suspense that’ll keep a relationship going? Wouldnt it all be just boring? But at the same time it also doesnt mean that 2 completely different people will celebrate their diamond jubilee wedding anniversary coz opposites may attract but they cant blend(I made that up )…. I would imagine that it would be really really tough to be with someone who is nothing like you. So in the end it all comes to how much you LOVE your partner. So does Love marriage or arranged marriage matter here?

2)EXPECTATIONS- “I dont expect anything from you,i just love you no matter what” How many times have you heard this in movies as well as real life. Mind you there’s absolutely no harm in saying this IF in fact you actually mean it. But the problem is that most often you do expect something or the other from your loved one & when you dont get it you feel that you arent COMPATIBLE. Expectations are natural, if you dont expect from the one you love who else would you expect from? Your boss? your gardner? Expectations are the same whether its love or arranged marriage

3)TALK: Talking to your partner.Anybody can say “I love you”… people say that to their dogs too. But you gotta talk more than that to keep your relationship going. Talk about your day, discuss about your problems, talk about your EXPECTATIONS coz your partner cant always GUESS what you want so that when you talk about what you want you’ll solve point number 2.Along with the talking there is nothing wrong in doing something special once in a while for your loved one too Surprise him/her, make your partner feel special, appreciate the good stuff in him/her.I feel it would go a long way in making the relationship stronger. Again this applies to both love & arranged marriage without any exception

4)COMPATIBILITY: Again related to point number 2. What exactly does it mean to be compatible? For most people it means something that should come naturally but I beg to differ. Compatibility in a relationship means to ADJUST! Its all about adjusting to your partner. In an ideal world both the  individuals in a relationship are equally understanding & adjusting but well this isnt an ideal world so atleast one of the two has to try & go that extra mile for the other. One of the two has to adjust to the mood swings, the temper of the other so that things dont get out of hand. Like i was telling a friend of mine the other day that living with me wouldnt be easy & the one who does will have to have a lotta patience to do so

And if infact you do manage to do all these things and walk the aisle then the next question would be what makes a marriage work?
Simple…1234! Well atleast you would think that wont you.But here again there are a few problems. How many times have you heard of couples who’ve been going around for 4 yrs but suddenly find themselves incompatible soon after they are married…Lets go through the points again
1)LOVE : No time for love coz many couples feel that now that they have each other they can focus on their careers.And in doing so they lose the closeness that they shared before marriage which will eventually lead to the “You have changed after marriage” syndrome. So whether before or after marriage NEVER TAKE YOUR PARTNER FOR GRANTED.

2)EXPECTATIONS: When you’re just a couple your expectations are different from that when you’re married. Something in your partner which seemed cute when you were going around might just seem plain irritating once you start living with him.Doesnt mean that you have to pack your bag & run away. Ill add to this in point number 4.

3)TALK : Just coz your married doesnt mean that anything about this point has to change. Infact this holds even more true once you’re married so that there is no shortage of romance in the relationship so ill keep this point exactly the same.

4)COMPATIBILITY: This according to me is the most important one.While you’re dating, if you have a fight with your partner-you’re really angry-you’ll go back to your respective homes-after some time you’ll start missing each other-he/she msgs saying “I miss you so much honey” & VOILA! PROBLEM SOLVED!
But once you’re married & are living together.You have a fight-you’ll ignore each other-you see him in the living room watching tv which makes you even more angry coz it MEANS that he doesnt care-you go to the kitchen & somehow ACCIDENTLY few vessels drop which obviously makes a lotta noise ,which makes him mad coz APPARENTLY she’s doing it on purpose….& VOILA! DIVORCE….coz we are not compatible!

So in the end it all boils down to the individuals in a relationship. Don’t blame Love or arranged marriages for failure of marriages. If you want it work, it can work unless you have made a very very very bad choice in choosing your partner which unfortunately again is your own fault!