TO LOVE OR NOT!!!! This has always been the dilemma. They say that those who are in a relationship want to get out of it & those who aren’t, desperately want to know what it feels like to be in love!!! A lot has been said about Love Vs Arranged marriage. I recently read a message which said “In love marriage you marry your own girl friend & in arranged you marry someone else’s girlfriend” Unfortunately this is true for many! Ofcourse there’s also the “A known devil is better than an unknown God” & “In an arranged marriage you sleep with a stranger after being told for years before that to stay away from strangers”
Well all this is ofcourse said in good humor.But marriage is a serious issue. The rate at which marriages are breaking these days is alarming & its said that its more common with love marriages! The unfortunate thing is that the very qualities that impress couples when they are in”love” irriates them when they are married. And then comes the “you have changed, you were not like this before marriage” etc etc. But that doesn’t mean arranged marriages are all hunky dory. Many couples cite adjustment issues as the reason for divorce coz they cant adjust to their partners post marriage.
WHAT EXACTLY MAKES A RELATIONSHIP WORK
This is a question I guess that many people must be asking.And you know what? I have no idea as to what the answer is Being from the medical field I’ve seen that relationships here are supposed to be a 5 yr deal.You join the college, find a partner, go around till the end of the course & then get married to someone else .The only problem is that one of the partners wouldnt be knowing about the deal & so ends up being BETRAYED.I can see some of my friends cringing but well its the truth.This is the age where you see so many people getting into relationships just for the EXPERIENCE.After one yearr experience its time to look at greener pastures But dont get me wrong coz among all these people there’ll be that one sweet loving romantic couple, THE COUPLE!!!! The couple who’ll just make you say “Oh I wish I could have what they have” and Im not talking about the ice cream that they are feeding each other.Then what makes this couple different from the others. ACCORDING TO ME-
1)LOVE :They are obviously in love with each other…..inspite of each other.That’s the big difference.No two people can be the same. There are those who say “They are made for each other coz they are exactly alike” WHAT RUBBISH!!! How can two people be exactly alike & even if they are then whats the point of being with them coz its like looking at yourself in the mirror, always talking like you, always doing what you want,always knowing what to expect coz well….he/she is EXACTLY LIKE YOU! Where will be the surprise element, the suspense that’ll keep a relationship going? Wouldnt it all be just boring? But at the same time it also doesnt mean that 2 completely different people will celebrate their diamond jubilee wedding anniversary coz opposites may attract but they cant blend(I made that up )…. I would imagine that it would be really really tough to be with someone who is nothing like you. So in the end it all comes to how much you LOVE your partner. So does Love marriage or arranged marriage matter here?
2)EXPECTATIONS- “I dont expect anything from you,i just love you no matter what” How many times have you heard this in movies as well as real life. Mind you there’s absolutely no harm in saying this IF in fact you actually mean it. But the problem is that most often you do expect something or the other from your loved one & when you dont get it you feel that you arent COMPATIBLE. Expectations are natural, if you dont expect from the one you love who else would you expect from? Your boss? your gardner? Expectations are the same whether its love or arranged marriage
3)TALK: Talking to your partner.Anybody can say “I love you”… people say that to their dogs too. But you gotta talk more than that to keep your relationship going. Talk about your day, discuss about your problems, talk about your EXPECTATIONS coz your partner cant always GUESS what you want so that when you talk about what you want you’ll solve point number 2.Along with the talking there is nothing wrong in doing something special once in a while for your loved one too Surprise him/her, make your partner feel special, appreciate the good stuff in him/her.I feel it would go a long way in making the relationship stronger. Again this applies to both love & arranged marriage without any exception
4)COMPATIBILITY: Again related to point number 2. What exactly does it mean to be compatible? For most people it means something that should come naturally but I beg to differ. Compatibility in a relationship means to ADJUST! Its all about adjusting to your partner. In an ideal world both the individuals in a relationship are equally understanding & adjusting but well this isnt an ideal world so atleast one of the two has to try & go that extra mile for the other. One of the two has to adjust to the mood swings, the temper of the other so that things dont get out of hand. Like i was telling a friend of mine the other day that living with me wouldnt be easy & the one who does will have to have a lotta patience to do so
And if infact you do manage to do all these things and walk the aisle then the next question would be what makes a marriage work?
Simple…1234! Well atleast you would think that wont you.But here again there are a few problems. How many times have you heard of couples who’ve been going around for 4 yrs but suddenly find themselves incompatible soon after they are married…Lets go through the points again
1)LOVE : No time for love coz many couples feel that now that they have each other they can focus on their careers.And in doing so they lose the closeness that they shared before marriage which will eventually lead to the “You have changed after marriage” syndrome. So whether before or after marriage NEVER TAKE YOUR PARTNER FOR GRANTED.
2)EXPECTATIONS: When you’re just a couple your expectations are different from that when you’re married. Something in your partner which seemed cute when you were going around might just seem plain irritating once you start living with him.Doesnt mean that you have to pack your bag & run away. Ill add to this in point number 4.
3)TALK : Just coz your married doesnt mean that anything about this point has to change. Infact this holds even more true once you’re married so that there is no shortage of romance in the relationship so ill keep this point exactly the same.
4)COMPATIBILITY: This according to me is the most important one.While you’re dating, if you have a fight with your partner-you’re really angry-you’ll go back to your respective homes-after some time you’ll start missing each other-he/she msgs saying “I miss you so much honey” & VOILA! PROBLEM SOLVED!
But once you’re married & are living together.You have a fight-you’ll ignore each other-you see him in the living room watching tv which makes you even more angry coz it MEANS that he doesnt care-you go to the kitchen & somehow ACCIDENTLY few vessels drop which obviously makes a lotta noise ,which makes him mad coz APPARENTLY she’s doing it on purpose….& VOILA! DIVORCE….coz we are not compatible!
So in the end it all boils down to the individuals in a relationship. Don’t blame Love or arranged marriages for failure of marriages. If you want it work, it can work unless you have made a very very very bad choice in choosing your partner which unfortunately again is your own fault!