The year was 1979. It was the year where India’s biggest movie awards ,the “GILLETTE FILMFAIR AWARDS” (not to be confused with the other less famous one) awards were to be hosted. It will also be remembered as the year of ‘hair raising’ experiences.
As is customary with the awards, they are usually hosted by two of the biggest stars of the time & this year was no different! The mantle of hosting the mother of all award shows was taken up by two superstars of the time, Amitabh Bacchan & Rajesh Khanna. Amitabh was the angry young man ofcourse & he began the show hurling abuses at the directors of all the movies that bombed that year. Somehow he seemed to take it very personally. As always, he felt that such movies were an insult to the paying junta. He then abused the audience for laughing when he was making such a serious statement. Nobody knew if he was still in character or truly angry. That was the power of the man! Just when it looked like things were going to get out of hand his co-host came in singing ‘mere sapnon ki Rani’ on a horse. Yes! It was none other than our very own Rajesh Khanna(may his soul RIP). He knew how to make an entry. Amitji shook his head in disgust. Rajesh Khanna immediately got onto the stage & tried to calm him down with “baabbuumushai just chill chill, Havell’s ka panka hai na.” And it magically worked! The audience didn’t laugh because that joke was 30 years too early
They began the show & all the audience was mesmerized to see their chemistry on stage. Alas! Their eyes fell onto their shirts from which their chest hair was popping out from the top. Now everytime they spoke it was as though the hair had a life of its own!. It swayed to the right when they moved left & it swayed to the left when they moved right. And it swayed all around when they were standing still! When Amitji was announcing the guests to announce the awards for the best Newcomer Male, Mithun Chakraborthy sitting in the audience felt “I wish he had opted for his hair removal” But it was too late.
It was now time for the item number to be performed. When Rajesh Khanna announced that none other than sexy Helen would dance to a remix of all the item numbers of that year, the audience were on the edge of their seats. Amjad Khan didn’t seem to care, after all Basanti had already danced for him inspite of Veeru not willing! Helen began with the 1st slow number. Soon the audience began screaming “Monica , Monica” and as if on cue, the song was played. Helen removed her detachable pants & revealed her sexy legs in a mini skirt. But Alas! Her legs weren’t shaved! To this day the audience present there don’t know if she had forgotten or just didn’t bother! The legs that were supposed to look sexy now just seemed like two amazon jungles! Rekha sitting in the audience sighed to herself “I wish she had opted for her hair removal”. The only person who didn’t seem to mind at all was Shakthi Kapoor.
The night went on, the stars came and went. Vinod Khanna, Sharmila Tagore, Jaya Bachchan, Mumtaz, Jeethuji, Rishi Kapoor. Some to collect awards & some to give. A young Rameez Raja sitting in the audience was impressed by all the ‘telented’ actors. He thanked BAL Thackeray sitting next to him & said “Thank you for giving me an opportunity to be hair(here) & represent the cricketing community of Pakistan”. Somewhere there a young Shah Rukh Khan was telling his little friends” I will become the best some day & host the show cracking vulgar hair jokes” Anil Kapoor was sitting in the audience with his top button open & the entire audience was thinking “I wish he had opted for his hair removal”
The night was drawing to a close & it was time to a close & the final show was a romantic dance between Dharmendra & Zeenath Aman. A superman of the times & and the other a sultry siren.Both of them were mesmerizing the audience. He with his incredible machoness & she with her grace & oomph(a popular word back in the 1970’s) As she was dancing close to him she saw him smile, not that magnetic smile of his but a sad one.She wondered what could be wrong in his personal life/ Unfortunately her eyes fell on his tummy hair protruding out through his center button. It was long & curly & seemed to call to her. She could feel it say “Basanthi , in kutthon ke saamne math naachna “ She immediately cringed & thought to herself ‘I wish he had opted for his hair removal’. What she didn’t realise was that he was smiling coz he had seen her armpit hair & the camera close to it & he was thinking “I wish she had opted for her hair removal” coz all that hair was blocking his face from the camera.
The show ended with the two hosts thanking the main sponsores GILLETTE. The CEO of Gillette came forward & thanked all the stars & audience & told them that after watching the show he was inspired to bring a brand new product into the market. He didn’t tell them what it was & they wondered what it could be…. Luckily we know what he was talking about.
DISCLAIMER- This post is a work of fiction. All the characters mentioned here are fictional. The author does not mean to hurt anybodys sentiments as everything is written to be read in good humor
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